the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
