can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Randomize
