I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
