To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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