Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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