Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
