There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
