My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
