Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
