do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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