Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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