this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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