I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I could make wine with my vomit
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
