On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
