8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
