Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
