can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize