I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
