Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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