Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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