im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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