I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
