I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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