i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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