you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I think my moral compass just broke
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize