guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
