ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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