Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
