you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
