New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You're like the curious george of whores
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
