I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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