I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Couch. On fire.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
