Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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