i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
