Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he fucked my hip out of place.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
