i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
