Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
