I don't usually arrange sex via text message
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
