I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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