he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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