I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
