Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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