hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
