this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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