Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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