I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
