we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize