The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
