just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My balls are so social today.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
