i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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