We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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