My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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