Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
