apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
