Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
