Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i will never coherently bang her
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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