ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
