these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
