tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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