My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
