Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
