Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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