life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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