At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
