Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i think i have two assholes
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
