so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
