so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
