tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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